The God I feared Wasn’t the God I Found
A Memoir
I spent nearly forty years as a Nazarene pastor. In 2021 I was tried by my denomination for teaching doctrine contrary to the church. I kept my credentials. I never preached again.
I came in from playing kickball, out of breath. We had won the game but I needed water.
That’s when I noticed the biggest book I’d ever seen sitting on the coffee table.
I pulled back the front cover.
I had never seen God before. This was my first look.
A large man in a long white bathrobe stared back at me. His face was scrunched up like the night Dad hollered and hit Mom. What really got my attention was His eyes. They had yellow lightning bolts shooting out of them. Every time I turned away, His eyes followed me.
I slammed the book shut and ran.
I never got that drink of water.
I was seven years old.
I spent the next sixty years afraid of that God — and thirty-five of them preaching Him from a pulpit.
This is the story of how that picture finally came apart. It cost me a church trial, my standing in the denomination I’d given my life to, and every Sunday morning I’d ever known.
It was worth it.
Coming soon.
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