Three years ago I found myself at a preacher’s meeting. During a break I had a serious conversation with a pastor friend. We had started in ministry about the same time. And now, many years later, we were nearing the end of our careers. He confessed to me the difficulty in processing his unfulfilled dreams. He lamented at the thought of being at the end of the road in his career. It felt good to commiserate together. Misery loved company during the conversation.
But within 6 months a surprising thing happened. My friend got a huge promotion in his career. Off he went to bigger money, more responsibility, and a high profile position. Me? I got left behind.
Baby Boomers are nearing the end of their traditional careers. The clock is ticking. And many are pausing to reflect on life. Here’s what many of us are discovering in our moments of honest reflection: we got left behind.
Can you identify with similar feelings?
- Your closest friend from college is making more way money than you.
- The person who hired on when you did got the promotions.
- You drive a 10 year old junker while your friends drive new cars with back up cameras mounted to the dash.
- At your college reunion everyone seems happier and more successful than you.
- You suffer physically from a chronic ailment while others your age just ran their first 10K.
- You never have people over to your house because it is small and still has green shag carpet in the living room.
Somehow, you got left behind.
Here’s 4.5 ways to deal with the feeling of being left behind.
1. Stop the comparison game.
No matter how successful you’ve been in life you will always find someone better off. If you look around long enough you will find someone to envy. And before you know it you will become unhappy with what you do have. It will create dissatisfaction. Stop looking around at others and comparing yourself to them.
2. Realize many are comparing their life to yours and would love to trade places with you.
I know. It’s hard to believe. Your life is so terrible! But everything is relative. Trust me on this. No matter how bad your life might be, there are others out there who suffer and wish they could walk in your shoes.
3. Make a list of the good things which have happened in your life.
Think it through. In some way, even a small way, have you made the world a better place? Have you influenced someone in a positive direction? Did you manage to do well at work? How many years did you enjoy good health? Do you have at least one close friend? Force yourself to make a list.
4. Take advantage of the fact life isn’t over and you can still improve.
Instead of sitting around and whining about how well your friends are doing get out there and improve your life. You’re still breathing. Do something! Get involved in church ministry. Volunteer at the hospital. Take an online class at udemy.com. (I’ve taken two of these classes. Read the reviews before you hand over the money. And often these classes go on sale. Last week all classes were only $25.00 each.) Get proactive and make your life better!
4.5. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You live in a great country with tremendous opportunity. You can never improve your life as long as you are whining about your life.
Take heart! It isn’t as bad as you think. Stop comparing yourself to others. Be encouraged. You can start improving your life today.
Well said,Randy. Several years ago a friend who was in a unhappy marriage said to me,I look around and everyone else is happy they have great husbands. What she didn’t know was some of those people had health issues,financial problems,etc. it is so easy for us to look around and think he has it all and he is looking at us thinking the same thing. If we are not content and happy with how our life has turned out we are the only ones that can change it in a big way or small way. I am blessed with family,friends,a husband I still laugh with and good health.
Thanks for your blog come visit sometime.
Thanks for your input!
Great advice! That ‘check-list’ should be on everyone’s fridge….regardless of age and/or stage of life. The earlier I adopt this mindset, the happier the ‘Rest of my Life’ will be, however long it may be!
Amen!
I think the .5 is great! Never seen a half! That one should take up about 10 points, repeated over and over!
Am following your advice. And the more I do so, the more I see where I’ve fallen into the feeling-left-behind trap.
What’s the one thing? Going back to school. Need to complete the application and I’ve just set an appointment with advisement. Going to paint a challenging painting today. My 15 year old junker Caddy is getting a new A/C compressor which will help with motivation in this 110 degree Phoenix heat! I’ll be apt to be more thankful for it at least!
Thank you Randy.
Garry, I find myself personally inspired by your story and the progress you make. Please keep us posted. Although we’ve never met I have the feeling your life is ready to improve!
Thanks Randy!
A couple of things. The picture you used is great. So solitary. Although there are those times when I prefer being solitary, that shows the way it can otherwise feel.
And, Facebook. Good grief, how pretty little life pictures are painted on Facebook.
That’s all for now! ;-)
The picture is me, the familiar list of feelings is me. However, I am driving a 19 year old junker…but it runs. Notwithstanding your post, being a Burned Out Boomer sucks.
Thanks Tim for being a faithful reader and commenter. I know life has been tough for you. You are in my prayers. Maybe we should have a phone conversation? I don’t have all the answers but I’m a pretty good listener. If you want to talk but don’t have my number message me.
Randy, I, too, love 4.5…I retired about 7.5 years ago from an office job, and a couple of years before that was dx’d with rheumatoid arthritis, which has advanced and I have a bunch of other chronic problems and pain to boot, but I still teach 1st & 2nd grade Sunday school, and a ladies Bible study on Wed. nights. I GROW from these, although I am a great-grandmother. I learned to quilt almost 4 years ago and I believe it is good therapy for my hurting hands, AND I write an online devotional for a Women’s group twice a week, which friends talked me into publishing in a book 2 years ago! Although I do like to sit in my rocking chair and sip tea, I love to learn new stuff too. I read, ride my vintage bicycle and drive an 18YO car which I LOVE because the top comes down! God bless! Looking forward to reading more of your posts. Sorry this was so long. (PS – I’ll be meeting you in a few weeks!!) :)
Jeanne! Wow. what great comments. Thanks so much for taking the time to give us your background. Sounds like you lead an interesting life. I look forward to meeting you.
Randy:
It IS scary/sad to look back and think of the “might have beens,” as I reach this stage of life. When I realize that the time ahead is a WHOLE lot shorter than the time behind, it doesn’t even seem possible.
It also amazes me! But that’s why I’m determined to not slide into oblivion. Making each day count is a personal priority.