When a Picture Made Me Fear God
Every kid forms a picture of God. Mine came from one terrifying illustration in an old family Bible
I was seven years old when I opened my family’s Bible and saw a picture that would shape my view of God for decades.
A large man dressed in a white robe stood on towering gray clouds. Massive stone tablets rested beneath each arm. His long white beard made Him look ancient.
But it wasn’t His beard that frightened me.
It was His eyes. Yellow lightning bolts shot from them.
As I stared at the picture, questions flooded my young mind.
Why did He look so angry?
Church had always taught me that God loved me. But the picture suggested something entirely different. For the first time, I wondered if God was someone to run from instead of someone to run to.
I couldn’t explain it, but I suddenly felt exposed. I didn’t even know what I had done wrong, but I felt guilty. It seemed as though God had been waiting for me to open the Bible so He could catch me doing something wrong.
Those eyes followed me on into adulthood.
Looking back, I realize something important. That picture didn’t just change how I looked at God. It changed how I looked at myself.
For years, I lived as though I had to stay on God’s good side. I believed His love depended on my performance. I spent decades trying not to piss Him off.
What I didn’t know was that this scary picture of God would eventually collide with the person of Jesus. That collision would change everything.
Have you ever been afraid of God?
If you’ve ever wondered whether God is disappointed with you or if you’ve ever lived with the fear that you’ll never be good enough you’re not alone.
Those questions launched a journey that took me decades to answer. That’s what A God Awful God: A Memoir of Fear, Faith, and Learning God is Love is all about.
If this story sounds familiar, I’d love to walk this journey with you. Click the banner above and I’ll send you the first chapter of A God Awful God free. Along the way I’ll share stories, reflections, and updates as the book moves toward publication.
Leave a Reply