The Picture That Made Me Fear God
Every kid forms a picture of God. Mine came from one terrifying illustration in an old family Bible
I was seven years old when I opened my family’s Bible and saw a picture that would shape my view of God for decades.
A large man dressed in a white robe stood on towering gray clouds. Massive stone tablets rested beneath each arm. His long white beard made Him look ancient.
But it wasn’t His beard that frightened me.
It was His eyes. Yellow lightning bolts shot from them.
As I stared at the picture, questions flooded my young mind.
Why did He look so angry?
Church had always taught me that God loved me. But the picture suggested something entirely different. For the first time, I wondered if God was someone to run from instead of someone to run to.
I couldn’t explain it, but I suddenly felt exposed. I didn’t even know what I had done wrong, but I felt guilty. It seemed as though God had been waiting for me to open the Bible so He could catch me doing something wrong.
Those eyes followed me on into adulthood.
Looking back, I realize something important. That picture didn’t just change how I looked at God. It changed how I looked at myself.
For years, I lived as though I had to stay on God’s good side. I believed His love depended on my performance. I spent decades trying not to piss Him off.
What I didn’t know was that this scary picture of God would eventually collide with the person of Jesus. That collision would change everything.
Have you ever been afraid of God?
If you’ve ever wondered whether God is disappointed with you or if you’ve ever lived with the fear that you’ll never be good enough you’re not alone.
Those questions launched a journey that took me decades to answer. That’s what A God Awful God: A Memoir of Fear, Faith, and Learning God is Love is all about.
If this story sounds familiar, I’d love to walk this journey with you. Click the banner above and I’ll send you the first chapter of A God Awful God free. Along the way I’ll share stories, reflections, and updates as the book moves toward publication.
Randy, you are still preaching but in a different mode. So glad you can do this it is one way to reach others. Many of whom you will never know. Nor will you know just how far this will go or how often it will be shared by those who read it. Best of luck hope it soars.
June
Thanks June for your encouraging comments!You’ll never know how much they mean to me.
Randy! I look with great anticipation the release of your book A God Awful God! Having grown up as a third generation in our denomination I soooo relate to my early childhood presentation of God. What has changed is my perception of God and that has changed everything. My contemplative life journey and freeing my dualistic view has brought me to a depth of my relationship with Jesus I never knew possible. It has been a life long adult journey. I have learned so much through my readings of Richard Rohr. As he says, “Jesus talked a lot more about praying and healing than anything else”
I believe in you and what God is doing in your life and with this book. Thank you.
Thanks for your comment and for sharing a little of your story. Your words encourage me!